Good parenting never stops. You can always have a positive impact on the lives of your children, if you pay attention and employ good thinking. This remains true after they leave home, after they graduate college, after they get their first job, after you get a divorce, after they get a divorce, after they have kids, and so on.
Loving them no matter what
My divorce was quite unpleasant. After my ex-wife and I separated, my children were upset. One expressed anger and wanted little to do with me. I made clear that I cared and wanted to be in his life. So, over time, that attitude changed.
After some time, we met for dinner. The evening seemed to be going calmly, but then I said something that brought out his anger. I sat and took it. Because I listened to his anger, and continued to make clear that I loved him no matter what, this was a turning point. We have grown much closer since that evening.
Holidays are always challenging. One year, in September, I asked about Thanksgiving. The response was, “I thought you said seeing us on Thanksgiving was not important to you.” I said that I had feelings that made me realize that was not completely true.
However, I backed off and I sent an e-mail saying that what was really important was to see my children together on any day, regardless of what day was. A few days later, I got an email saying that they wanted to join me for Thanksgiving. Messages like that will bring tears to your eyes! (And that was the best Thanksgiving ever!)
As an attorney and financial planner, I try to make sure my children plan well. On the other hand, I know saying too much turns into prying into their lives when they are striving to be independent. It can make them feel badly, as if they are not doing well or as if I am being critical.
After the divorce, my daughter needed some support from me. I asked if her mother was helping. She said yes, so I never asked again and provided what she said she needed.
Much later, I learned that she amassed several thousand dollars in credit card debt during this time. When she told me this, she also told me that she paid it off. Such an impressive accomplishment; you have to be proud of that!
So, my learning never stops, because I want to be better as a parent.
I count myself very fortunate for the close relationship I have with my children.
And what I can do to help my children continues!