Brace for the Holidays! Have a plan

As Halloween passes, we know that the season of over-buying and over-eating is approaching, so it’s time to prepare.  You want to enjoy being with friends and family without having the hangover of overspending, or worse, going into debt to finance all the fun. 

Make the gift giving fit with your cash management

Over-buying does not make you happier and usually makes the recipient uncomfortable.  Also, over-spending is likely to make achieving your long-term goals more difficult, which can add to the depression some feel at this time of year.

For gifts, “it’s the thought that counts” rings true.  Most recipients appreciate being remembered for who they are and what they do.  Think back to what you enjoyed most in past holidays and let that guide you.  This can help you stick to your values as you think through the entire process and devise your holiday shopping plan.  The time spent together may be far more important and rewarding than unnecessary giving.

Have a plan

Technology and social media can make shopping easier, but they also make it easier to overspend and end up with credit card debt from funding your gift giving.  

Part of the reason is that many such purchases are spontaneous.  People often regret these unplanned purchases.  Over 70% of people in one survey exceeded their budget and over half bought items not on their list.  This can make the new year bleak (More than 3 in 4 Americans are stressed about going into debt over the holidays — and technology’s not helping ) Counter this by creating a realistic budget, lookout for sales, review your budget to make sure you are on track. 

Budget – If you determine what you can reasonably spend and allocate that to people for whom you want to buy gifts, or give holiday tips, then you have a spending plan that should get you through.  When devising your plan, go back to your financial goals to remind yourself why staying on track is so important.  Include time for present wrapping to avoid time pressure that encourages splurge buying.  Also, you may want to have small gifts on hand for unexpected guests.  You can use budget apps, such as NerdWallet, to create a budget.  When you do, stick to it! 

If the people for whom you are shopping have wish lists, follow them for ideas.  And leave items in your shopping cart overnight to take a second look and avoid regretting a splurge purchase.  Ask “does the person really want or need this?,” especially if you are shopping for yourself!  (It may be wise to avoid, or at least substantially limit, any buying for yourself.) 

Be Wary of Black Friday, Cyber Monday and other retailer tricks

If you do your homework, you can determine if waiting in line or buying on line will be best.  As stated above, create a budget and stick to it.   

Be on the lookout for retailer other tricks like flash sales, loyalty cards, incentives to return for more purchases, misleading refund policies.  Similarly, procrastinating can lead to splurge buying ruled by emotions such as the need to please everyone and get the shopping done.

Avoid scams

With the pressure of the holidays to address all the gift giving, parties and thank yous, stay vigilant for scams.  These can come in the form of bogus IRS and social security calls, credit card offers, computer software deals and fake invoices.  There are many phishing sites you can use to check out whether the offers are legit

Review our Holiday Tipping Guide

As for tipping, see our post Guidelines for Holiday Tips and Gift.

Remember, if you’re unable to tip or give a gift, a thoughtful thank you note will acknowledge those people who are important to you.  You can even make a donation in their name. 

Brace for over-eating and possibly even depression

This blog is does not profess to have any expertise in psychology.  Nonetheless, we have all heard how holidays can be disappointing if not depressing from some.  The Hallmark gatherings promised on TV or social media rarely happen in real life. 

If the holidays are depressing, consider volunteering somewhere, such as a soup kitchen, or getting out for some serious exercise.  Both can lift your mood as well as either help others or improve your health.  Allow time to rest and recover!  And try a warm drink, tea not bourbon, or a warm bath. 

Take care of yourself – it’s hard to help anyone else if you are not in good shape yourself.  But if you are really experiencing holiday depression, speaking to people can help, be that family, friends or professionals.

We wish you all the best for financially sound, and fun, holidays!  And let us know if we can help you plan.

Parenting, don’t fool yourself, it never ends – and you don’t want it to!

Good parenting never stops. You can always have a positive impact on the lives of your children, if you pay attention and employ good thinking. This remains true after they leave home, after they graduate college, after they get their first job, after you get a divorce, after they get a divorce, after they have kids, and so on.

Loving them no matter what

My divorce was quite unpleasant. After my ex-wife and I separated, my children were upset. One expressed anger and wanted little to do with me. I made clear that I cared and wanted to be in his life. So, over time, that attitude changed.

After some time, we met for dinner. The evening seemed to be going calmly, but then I said something that brought out his anger. I sat and took it. Because I listened to his anger, and continued to make clear that I loved him no matter what, this was a turning point. We have grown much closer since that evening.

Celebrating holidays

Holidays are always challenging. One year, in September, I asked about Thanksgiving. The response was, “I thought you said seeing us on Thanksgiving was not important to you.” I said that I had feelings that made me realize that was not completely true.

However, I backed off and I sent an e-mail saying that what was really important was to see my children together on any day, regardless of what day was. A few days later, I got an email saying that they wanted to join me for Thanksgiving. Messages like that will bring tears to your eyes! (And that was the best Thanksgiving ever!)

Finances

As an attorney and financial planner, I try to make sure my children plan well. On the other hand, I know saying too much turns into prying into their lives when they are striving to be independent. It can make them feel badly, as if they are not doing well or as if I am being critical.

After the divorce, my daughter needed some support from me. I asked if her mother was helping. She said yes, so I never asked again and provided what she said she needed.

Much later, I learned that she amassed several thousand dollars in credit card debt during this time. When she told me this, she also told me that she paid it off. Such an impressive accomplishment; you have to be proud of that!

Conclusion

So, my learning never stops, because I want to be better as a parent.
I count myself very fortunate for the close relationship I have with my children.
And what I can do to help my children continues!