Divorce, do you litigate or mediate? Well, do you want to be right or happy?

Someone once said:

“You can be right or happy.”

It’s true; and it’s a choice!

Okay, but how does that apply to divorce?

Trying to prove you are right usually means going to court, hoping that the judge affirms your view and declares you the just one. When you try to persuade a judge to adopt your view of “right,” you enter lengthy and costly litigation. In contrast, seeking to be happy usually means using mediation to work out a settlement so you can move on with your life. You save time and money.

Leaving aside situations involving abuse or criminal activity, couples should choose mediation over litigation. When you separate and divorce, you are dissolving a partnership. As with any other financial separation, if you minimize emotional reactions, you are can reach a fair outcome more quickly with fewer lasting scars. And you have are more likely to find happiness in your new, separate lives.

When emotions guide your finances, the outcome is not often the best. Going to court for your divorce will certainly cost more and take longer, but it is also unlikely to result in an outcome with which you are happy.

Costs

The typical cost for mediation in Massachusetts is $3,500. If you choose to go to trial, your cost will exceed $30,000. Add in depositions and expert testimony, and your total will easily exceed $100,000.

Time

The time to complete mediation and sign a separation agreement to sign is up to you. Typically, you can be done in a couple of months. Litigated divorce depends on the judge’s schedule. This means that your first appearance could be six months or more from the date you file. If you have multiple days in court, the total time to completing trial and receiving a final decree from the judge could take well over a year.

Emotions

Litigated divorce involves a battle to show who is right. Attorneys vigorously representing their clients can make the process seem quite nasty. This can lead to anger and hurt feelings that mediation may avoid.

Children

Going to court to fight over finances does not project the best message to children who need love and understanding during the upheaval of their parents separating. The emotional impact of fighting in court can spill over into how parents interact when dealing with their children.

Better Outcome

Successful mediation often reveals possible solutions that other dispute resolution methods may not. If these solutions provide a better result for both parties, then mediation has created a better outcome. s

Save your time and money, use mediation. Then move on. You are likely to be happier this way.

Budgets? “We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Budget”

Budgets rarely work. It takes tremendous effort to accurately record all transactions so that you have a valid budget. Then, frequently, after all this effort, you rarely come back to the budget. That means that the work had no payoff. Furthermore, people often claim that they had nonrecurring expenses. Doing so, they artificially understate their expenses, not realizing each year has some nonrecurring event.

A much easier way to test savings is to take a twelve-month period, look at cash and credit card balances at the beginning and end, check for any inflows from gifts or other non-salary items, and then measure the change. Did the cash accounts go up or did the credit cards go up? That is your savings/dis-savings for that year.

Rather than doing a budget to adjust behavior, force a change. You can do that by removing money from your discretionary spending by contributing the maximum to a 401(k) plan, by an auto debit that put funds into an investment account, and other auto payments. If your credit card balances go up, then you have to make a decision to alter behavior, such as cutting entertainment, or decide to delay goals (retire later, no new car now, etc.)

How does cash flow relate to debts? Managing your debt means getting the lowest after-tax interest rate so that you pay as much principle with each payment to pay off the loan as quickly as possible. You can deduct the interest paid on a mortgage and an equity line of credit debt. You can deduct up to $2,500 of student loan debt. But you cannot deduct the interest on most other debt, unless used for your business (watch for a post on side hussles).