Parenting, don’t fool yourself, it never ends – and you don’t want it to!

Good parenting never stops. You can always have a positive impact on the lives of your children, if you pay attention and employ good thinking. This remains true after they leave home, after they graduate college, after they get their first job, after you get a divorce, after they get a divorce, after they have kids, and so on.

Loving them no matter what

My divorce was quite unpleasant. After my ex-wife and I separated, my children were upset. One expressed anger and wanted little to do with me. I made clear that I cared and wanted to be in his life. So, over time, that attitude changed.

After some time, we met for dinner. The evening seemed to be going calmly, but then I said something that brought out his anger. I sat and took it. Because I listened to his anger, and continued to make clear that I loved him no matter what, this was a turning point. We have grown much closer since that evening.

Celebrating holidays

Holidays are always challenging. One year, in September, I asked about Thanksgiving. The response was, “I thought you said seeing us on Thanksgiving was not important to you.” I said that I had feelings that made me realize that was not completely true.

However, I backed off and I sent an e-mail saying that what was really important was to see my children together on any day, regardless of what day was. A few days later, I got an email saying that they wanted to join me for Thanksgiving. Messages like that will bring tears to your eyes! (And that was the best Thanksgiving ever!)

Finances

As an attorney and financial planner, I try to make sure my children plan well. On the other hand, I know saying too much turns into prying into their lives when they are striving to be independent. It can make them feel badly, as if they are not doing well or as if I am being critical.

After the divorce, my daughter needed some support from me. I asked if her mother was helping. She said yes, so I never asked again and provided what she said she needed.

Much later, I learned that she amassed several thousand dollars in credit card debt during this time. When she told me this, she also told me that she paid it off. Such an impressive accomplishment; you have to be proud of that!

Conclusion

So, my learning never stops, because I want to be better as a parent.
I count myself very fortunate for the close relationship I have with my children.
And what I can do to help my children continues!

Cancer, I try not to talk about it

I had cancer. If you have had cancer, or know anyone who has, you know it changes your life – forever.

If you are lucky, and you live, each day is special in a new way.

When I first wrote this, I had just attended a wake for a friend who was 51 and in great health, or so we thought. He played basketball, rode a mountain bike, trained in karate … then died from heart attack.

It’s over a year later, so why am I talking about this now? I don’t want anyone to starve themselves today for a future they may never see.

I am not saying spend everything living today. But I am saying find a balance!

Yes, “balance,” that mindfulness term that applies to financial planning. Enjoy what you can today without making your future a mess, and make your future good enough so you can enjoy today.

Got it? I hope so.

P.S – please see my Pan-Mass Challenge profile for more on my response to having had cancer and losing a dear friend. (The answer is obvious: I ride to raise money to save others!)
Great photo of some young PMC riders!

What I learned with my website failure

Yes, robo-advisors are coming. But, I seem to have missed that boat, er self-driving car.

In the effort to design and launch a financial planning website for young people, I learned quite a lot. One thing I learned is that a good idea, even one that many people think is up and coming, is not enough by itself. In fact, it takes a great deal of effort plus substantial capital to launch an effective site. And even then, there is no assurance that you have a successful business.

We did preserve the content that we created and used it to launch a financial literacy website. We hope that people can use this site to better understand their finances. But it will not be a source of revenue: too few want to pay for financial planning advice. It may be the same phenomenon as people searching online for medical questions instead of paying to see a doctor.  Who knows?

Another thing I learned over the last couple of years is that I really enjoy human interaction, helping people solve problems. Creating a robo-planner website wasn’t going to satisfy that need.

So what am I doing? I’m back to concentrating on my law firm, providing financial planning and related legal work plus adding divorce mediation to my business.

Before concluding this post, there are so many to thank. The list of advisors, consultants and friends includes, in no special order: Joseph B. Lassiter, III, Francesca Bartholomew, Shannon M. Bénay, Sima Patel, Jeff Benson, Carl Muscari, Howard Zaharoff, Elliot Sloyer, Peter Demuth, Mark J. Deck, Elliot Kaztman, Catalina Gorla, Meredith McPherron, Jason Yarrington, Ron Aines, Chris Lovell, Amanda Cripps, Adam Weisman, Alyssa Windell, Beth Marcus, Mary Anna Mancusco, Scott Branson, Marissa Branson, and so many more!

Thank you all so much for a great adventure!

Steven

Before you take advice on your finances, ask this question

As I review posts for our sister website on financial literacy, this seemed to be a great post to repeat:

If you want financial advice, before listening to someone, ask yourself one simple question:

“If I’m not paying this adviser, who IS paying them?”

If you don’t know the answer, you may have a problem.

Think about it ….

“Simplify your finances? No; “Gain control, understand your finances?” Yes

After reading a recent article in Kiplinger’s Finance Magazine  on simplifying your finances, I wondered if your personal finances can really be made simple.  While many of us may hope so, I am not sure that “simple” is best.

However, gaining control of your finances and gaining a better understanding do make sense.

clutter-286975_1920 Okay, that does need to be simplified!

Here are some ways that help you gain control that may also “simplify” your life:

Cash management and Debt management

Set up automatic payments with vendors so they use your bank or credit card, or set up payments using your bank website.

  • If the payments are regular, and of similar amounts, you save time and can plan on the withdrawals.
  • However, if you change banks, sorting and resetting auto-pay at the new bank can be a major headache. Similarly, if you change credit cards, you need to update information with all vendors.

You can also automate tracking of your spending by using websites like Mint or Personalcapital.  Or, you can use Quicken or QuickBooks software from Intuit to track your bank and credit card accounts.  You can download from your bank and credit card websites into the program and then review to analyze your cash flow and spending.

Setting up direct deposit for payroll into your checking is great.  You can also split part so it goes to savings or even have some go to your investment accounts.  You will then need to follow up to invest the cash that accumulates, but having money set aside saves it from being spent, and adds to your investments

Investing

Kiplinger’s recommended consolidating retirement accounts to avoid low balance fees.  It also makes updating beneficiary designations easier.

While avoiding fees makes sense, am not sure that putting all investments into a single retirement account does.  You cannot do this if you have Roth and pre-tax accounts like a 401(k) plan, and you probably should not do it if you have contributory IRA and 401(k) accounts that are subject to different tax rules.

Kiplinger’s also recommended using one broker for your taxable accounts.  This makes more sense, in that you have a higher balance which should mean lower fees and more attention from the broker.  However, I prefer using exchange traded funds, or ETFs, and avoiding most broker fees, which means essentially no attention from a broker.

One article said that your investment plan should be to “sign up and forget it.”  While avoiding investment pitfalls like second-guessing yourself out of panic when a fund goes down is good, I do think you need to review and rebalance your investments once a year.

Another article recommended using an “all in one” fund for investing.  Now, this really troubles me.  If your sole goal is retirement, then an age-targeted fund could make sense.  But, if you are saving for goals with different time horizons, this is a bad idea.

If you use an age-targeted fund, do your homework on the funds.  For example, if the fund plans to suddenly shift to bonds when you retire, that will not serve you well because you are likely to have several decades for which you will need the growth from stocks.

Protecting your information

Having a master password for access to all your other passwords reminds me of the joke about the student who repeatedly distilled his notes down, first to an outline, then to note cards, and finally to one word.  How did he do on the day of the exam?  He forgot the word.

Nonetheless, having passwords is clearly important so having a way to manage them is as well.  Check out this recent review of apps for managing your passwords PC Magazine Best Password Managers for 2015.  You can manage the passwords yourself by creating a document that you save as a PDF and then encrypt.  But don’t forget the password you used for the PDF!

Store files in one place

We did a post on using cloud storage when you do not need originals.  Here is another site to check out:  Shoeboxed

Credit cards

In addition to downloading transactions as noted above, you can track your credit score and credit history by using sites like Credit Karma

Estate planning

For insurance purposes, and for your estate plan, having a record of possessions, you can list all your property using sites like Know your stuff home inventory.

Conclusion?

There are ways to gain better understanding of your finances that also make your finances simpler.  But setting simplification as your primary goal risks distorting your finances – too simple may be a bad result.

P.S. Our sister website, www.wokemoney.com, encourages you to gain a better understanding of your finances so you can handle your own planning.  Let me know what you think.